Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Quotations from Chairman Bobby about the 2012 Toronto Blue Jays

With the Toronto Blue Jays kicking off their 2012 season in Cleveland tomorrow night and his own film, Little Mao, having its world premiere on April 11 at the TIFF Kids International Film Festival (formerly Sprockets), Chairman Bobby reflects on the imperalist Yankees, Fidel Castro's pitching and all things Jays:


Q: Chairman Bobby, how do you feel about the Jays in 2012?
Chairman Bobby:  Hopeful, comrade, hopeful!  We stand a great chance of earning one of those new wild card spots in the playoffs, even though the Jays are competing against those capitalist roaders, The New York Yankees, who boast an unfair advantage because the capitalist baseball system allows them to pay huge team salaries.  Unfair!

Q: Let's start on the mound.  What do you think of the Jays' starting rotation? 
Chairman Bobby:  A well-defended nation is a strong one.  Same goes with baseball. Comrade Ricky Romero should have a similar season to last year, but I expect Brandon Morrow to have an amazing year!  If the fifth starter is Kyle Drabek, I hope that his father talked some toughness into him so he launches a comeback just like our comrades did with The Great March of 1934.  Expect 90+ wins.

Q: Hitting? 
Chairman Bobby: Comrades Jose Bautista and Brett Lawrie will crush their enemies just like Fidel and Che.

Q: Fidel Castro and Che Guevara played baseball? 
Chairman Bobby: Sure, Comrade Fidel pitched.  Check out:

Q: The bullpen lost 25 games for the Jays last year, third-worst in the American League.  How will they perform in 2012?
Chairman Bobby: The bullpen will mature under veterans Sergio Santos, Coco Cordero and Darren Oliver.

Comrade Cindy (Ariyena Sorani) spies a pop fly for the Motherland

Q: Oliver is 41-years-old.  Isn't he too old?
Chairman Bobby: Comrade Fidel is 85 and Comrade Lenin was 53.

Q: But they weren't throwing in a major league bullpen.
Chairman Bobby (long pause):  It appears our comrade needs some re-education.

Chairman Bobby (Kevin Wang, far left) oversees his Imperial Guards (Kyle Wong, left, and Joshua Holmes, right) as they escort Comrade Joe (Isaac Pilozo in catcher's uniform) to "re-training" camp

Q: Moving to the infield...
Chairman Bobby:  Comrade Lind's average should rise given off-season conditioning.  Brett Lawrie should excel in his first full season as a Jay.  Comrade Escobar will shine at shortstop and at the plate.

Q: Overall, where have the Jays improved the most in the off-season?
Chairman Bobby: Pitching.  The starting rotation is more reliable, but the key lies in a consistent bullpen.  Of course, this wouldn't be a concern had those imperialist running dogs, The Philadelphia Phillies, not stolen Roy Halladay from us in 2009.

Q: Is Halladay your favourite pitcher?
Chairman Bobby:  Second.

Q: Who's first?
Chairman Bobby:  Why, Fidel!

Chairman Bobby's Little Red Guards discuss dialectical materialism with the First Base Umpire (Sonya Morson)

Q: Forgive me, Chairman...Please complete this sentence: "If I ran the Blue Jays I would..."
Chairman Bobby: "...give away all tickets to the proletariat and reclaim Doc Halladay."

Q: But Hallyday plays for the Phillies.
Chairman Bobby: We would get him back.

Q: How?  He's locked into a long-term contract.
Chairman Bobby (removing his sunglasses):  We have our ways.

Chariman Bobby's Little Red Guards (from left to right): Third Basewoman (Alexis Thomas), Guard (Joshua Holmes), Rightfielder (Scott Richardson), Chairman Bobby (foreground, Kevin Wang), Comrade Jan/Centerfielder (Alysha Bauer), Comrade Cindy/ Leftfielder (Ariyena Sorani), Guard (Kyle Wong, back row), Second Basewoman (Erin Richardson), First Baseman (Joshua Budd), Shortstop (Ben Prystawski).  Missing: Comrade Joe (Isaac Pilozo) who was in "re-training" camp
All photos by Comrade Maloney Aguirre

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